How not to make mistake while conveying mistakes and conveying replies!

Mistakes need to be pointed out, but the manner in which you Point out and the manner in which you React is what gives impression on the Observer’s mind.

There can be two ways you can point out – either in an acceptable way – where you don’t tend to hurt the ego of the other guy or in a manner where you directly hurt his ego.

Point 1 : So taking the case where you point out in an unacceptable way – the case where there are chances that the Reactant’s ego gets hurt in an instant. Now, the person whose mistake is there, i.e. the Reactant, he has to analyze and see as to how to react.

One clarification before I bombard my thoughts. Whether the pointing out method is acceptable way or not depends on Perceptions. But we shall talk on the general front as of now.

Now, if I point out in a way which is generally not acceptable, then, the very first obvious reaction in mind would be of anger and yes of course, we might tend to start defending yourselves, even if we are at fault.

I’d salute the guy who even in such a case doesn’t lose his cool. He must be very wise enough to know that mistakes do happen and criticisms do come. He is adapted to both the acceptable and the unacceptable pointing out methods.

Aah yes! For the above super-wise category, nothing needs to be said and analyzed. Because they are the people who’ll definitely accept their mistakes, if any, in a super bold way. They’ll give unimagined reactions and clarifications to unaccepted pointing out methods.

Coming back to our point of reaction – we get angry in first instance from inside. Fine! That’s natural. Then we can either convert our anger into polite tone and accept the allegation or defend it, as the case may be, or else, we can bluntly and angrily reject the allegation in harsh tone, even if we are at a little fault.

The first one shall earn respect and the second one might harm the perception with which people are looking towards you. Because you might have been cent per cent right on your stand, but your way of reacting might tamper with people’s perception of you.

Okay, now you might say, I don’t give a damn to what people think of me!

Now the catch - Ponder on the thought as to why do I need to even react in such a harsh tone if I think that I don’t give a damn to what people think. Ultimately why you replied harshly was just because the other guy’s thinking mattered to your mind. Isn’t it?

In the first pointing out method, there are chances that the pointer might be 100% right on his point outs, but due to the trigger of ego, the clash starts and the reactant starts defending himself in harsh tones, thereby, at times, triggering the pointer’s ego also.

There can be cases that may be your general tendency isn’t as such that you reply harshly. There can be numerous possibilities where you might have been surrounded with other tensions of this social life and no matter how calm you are in general, you tend to react to such situations in rude way. No problem, happens! Need to be alert!

Now, coming to the polite tone of Reaction - You accept the mistake if it is genuine or you answer back in a befitting manner and in such a way that the other guy feels ashamed of the way he alleged and my dear friend give me a high five for that! You hit the target!

May be, the pointing out person won’t change his method of pointing out and we need to accept his ways, nothing can be done of it. But yes, his perception for you would definitely change. May be he would take care at least the way he’ll tell you the next time and even if he doesn’t, then why to worry! You are a champ in replying. Ultimately, what matters is the way you perceive things.

The pointer perceives negatively, you have two options –

1.1 : You perceive positively and you react politely,

1.2 : You perceive negatively and you react harshly.

Point 2 : Now coming on the acceptable pointing out methods. Well, you are doing your pointing out job with perfect ability. You point out in directional way, not in accusing manner and that shows your wisdom.

In 99% cases, the reactant shall reply politely with acceptance of his mistake, if at all he has committed, or else the case shuts down as it is.

The pointer perceives positively, you have two options –

2.1 : You perceive positively and you react politely,

2.2 : You perceive negatively and you just shut down.

Coming on the third person front, always observe and look through the situations. Never ever perceive in first shot as to what you see! Analyze and then train your mind as to what could have been the best way of tackling during such situations.  

Just for observance, check your mind as to whose impression is having a lasting image on your mind.

You’ll see that the 2^nd pointwala Pointer shall always have an influencing impression on your mind due to his positive way of pointing out. And the same applies for the 1.1 pointwala Reactant. His cool and ghaatak replies shall surely command our brains because his replies pierce through our minds and force us to think that ‘Oh! Aise bhi hatke reply ho sakte hain kya.. socha nahi tha..!!

Here the reactant plays a major role in relaying positive impression of not only his ideology but indirectly he treats our minds by washing the negative impression of the 1^st wala pointer in our minds and thereby our negativity for that guy cools down. So you see, the wise guy plays a dual role here.

Much written, I’ll end and shut down before this write up turns out to be a trigger point of your frustrated reactions.

And yes, ek chokhvat - this is just an analysis on perceptions of Pointers, Reactors and Observers regarding the common human mistakes happening in our day-to-day lives.

Finally, wishing you happy days ahead, that are full of -

Acceptable pointing outs – DO IT – because that is surely needed

Polite Reactions of acceptance or justification – GIVE IT – the way you deem fit

Observations – LOOK THROUGH IT – it will prepare you for the times when you need to point out or react.

Always be grateful towards the Pointers because they are sparing time in analyzing your mistakes and in conveying it also. Needs Guts!

And Mistake is a mistake!

Always accept it, no matter in what way it is conveyed. Needs Guts!

And yes, do see to it that you don't repeat them again and again!

Happy Learning Experiences!

-Shraddha